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The Adventures of Mattman: More Bruce Wayne Than Superman (Ep. 4)

I’m not the only one. There were, and are, several mattress superheroes out there. Most of them before my time.

You may be surprised to find out how many hours I have spent scouring the tenth page of google looking for these former sleep superheroes. What I found is they’re all following Superman’s lead. The power to leap a tall building in a single bound! Personally, I’m not a huge fan of Superman. He was born great. He is already strong and fast. Those powers came to him by default. 

Bruce Wayne, on the other hand, had to achieve greatness! Granted he was born into wealth, but the mechanical ingenuity and martial arts skills are not a result of being born with a silver spoon in his mouth. We do not all come preprogrammed to somersault while kicking a bad guy while simultaneously firing a bat hook to swing up a ledge while throwing a Batarang to catch another bad guy. He had to train hard for years to learn those skills.

So then there’s me. Mattman. I’m a regular dude who works a full-time job, married with fur children, a huge fan of science fiction, plays video games, thumps bass guitars, and used to think the only exceptional thing I did was give blood every eight weeks to save a stranger’s life. I changed when I unlocked a superpower. I transformed and have more energy. I can accomplish tasks faster. I can focus my creativity to go where it’s never gone before. And when I awoke that superpower, I wanted to achieve greatness!

So I set out to design the Signature Super Sleep Superhero Suit that you have seen in pictures when I traverse around as Mattman! Like Batman, I also have many suits for many situations. My original suit is called The Promo Armor. It’s our promotional mattress fabric and we wear it at boot camp 5ks where we have to crawl uphill, do burpees, and possibly fall in mud. I also wear it at events where spilling coffee or wine is as likely as the sun will rise in the morning. My second suit is green and has breathable Tencel fabric derived from the eucalyptus plant for a dryer, cooler sleep experience. It is the fabric from the Scandinavian mattress line at our store. I wear that when I run 5ks so I don’t overheat. And my current suit is my dressy black-tie uniform. Looks great in photos with a functioning piano necktie! 

My suits are made with utility. Much like Batman, the toolbelt is where he can improvise. Each suit has a custom inner breast pocket just big enough for a phone and wallet. Ever tried getting into your pockets wearing a mattress suit? The suits also include a large catch pocket inside that fits a hard copy of Shawn Stevenson’s Sleep Smarter which I use as a quick reference to help teach sleep. That book is my American Express. I never leave home without it! The suits are equipped with handles on the sides because some people believe all mattresses should have handles. Mine are referred to as my love handles as they reside exactly where you imagine they would go on my suit! And of course, I saved the best for last…the cape! Not all superheroes wear a cape. But ones who design suits tend to prefer them! What isn’t more awesome when it is wearing a cape?  

Don’t worry folks! Batman is still out there keeping us safe. I’m not getting in his way. In the middle of the night when he perches on rooftops and swoops down on evildoers, I am fast asleep.  I know that I can’t be extraordinary tomorrow without a good night’s rest!

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