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Adventures of Mattman: Slam the Caffeine Chameleon Like LeBron James

Hello Superpower Seekers! I’m just going to jump right in today because this is another caffeine episode.

I am ripe with controversy here people. I promise I’m not going to hyperfocus on this much longer. But the thing is, the topic of caffeine consumption is more polarizing than politics. 

One thing I want everybody to walk away from today’s show is if you are a fan of sleep maximization and you’re trying to get results, this journey is for you and just you. 

I choose to try and maximize my sleep. I do not force others to do it. That is not how it works. You have to want to change habits. Forcing habit change will push your peers away. I have seen, as a result of my previous caffeine episodes, people chastise others for late night caffeine consumption. 

I also made that same mistake at the early onset of delivering this information. However, I quickly realized that my wife was going to start pouring that hot coffee in my lap if I made another comment. 

That’s when I came to realize this is truly me trying to improve myself. Congratulate yourself if you see the Caffeine Chameleon! And welcome to my world where you see him hover around other people. Or when he tries to come around you and interrupt your sleep again.

Now let’s get down and dirty and talk more about this caffeine culture we live in. 

I’m baffled by the responses I get when I ask people if they have a caffeine curfew. I am not walking up to random people and drilling them for answers about their caffeine habits. Wearing a mattress superhero suit, people honestly tell me they get awful sleep. This outfit is quite the icebreaker for sleep! 

People tell me they sleep terribly at night. They tell me how awful their rest is. And when I ask them if they drink caffeine in the afternoon or evening, I get the same reply over and over again. “Caffeine has no effect on me.”

Before I go one step further breaking down that mountain of a Pillow Pupper poop statement as to why it’s okay to drink caffeine whenever you want to, let me show you the true power of the Caffeine Chameleon.

I’m going to play a small snippet of the Dos Marcos podcast from February. Mark Quinn gave a solid sleep tip followed up by a Chameleon-laced caffeine habit recommended by a genuine sleep doctor, Dr. Michael Breus. Dr. Brues suggests getting through your midday struggle with a nap-uccino. 

I don’t know how to notate this in the written form.  Do I just type out the clip? It’s kind of long yo.  The clip is from the February 15, 2021 sleep tip with Mark Quinn’s dad. I cut the part around 32 minutes where y’all do the super sleep tip.  I sent you the sound bite.

I checked out Dr. Breus and he is a legit sleep source. There is solid information on Youtube videos out there that I wholeheartedly agree with, except for this one piece of advice. 

If you are riding the struggle bus (from Andrew in the afternoon, you need to avoid caffeine. Sounds awful, but planning out sleep tonight will rescue you from that miserable ride tomorrow. And naps aren’t even a problem. Naps are splendid when done correctly. 

In “The Science of Sleep,” Matthew Walker talks about power napping in the afternoon as a very useful tool for brainstorming, problem-solving, or even after physical activity to ingrain the muscle memory into your brain. 

It’s what LeBron James does after big practices. He takes a nap because he knows that’s going to help his muscle memory as well as his energy level. You don’t need coffee or caffeine when you nap. The nap itself will energize you. I mean, you might think you need the caffeine, but that’s the Caffeine Chameleon at his finest. He disguises himself as a solution to your energy deficit.

Man, wearing a mattress suit, trying to be funny, and telling you not to drink your favorite energy drink three times a day gets real bad real fast in the customer experience world. Tread those waters carefully my friends. 

I’m not trying to preach to people who don’t have sleep issues that they don’t need coffee or need to set caffeine curfews. Maybe they have a metabolism that processes caffeine differently. It might not be difficult for them to get good sleep like it would be for me. However, if you admit that you can’t get good sleep and then say coffee doesn’t affect you and you won’t even consider changing that habit, you have given up on yourself. Throw in the towel.

If you don’t sleep well, but say caffeine doesn’t affect you, you are totally hosed by the Caffeine Chameleon. I’m amused at how even the mere mention of the beloved crystalline compound and caffeine habits is flashed aside is not a big deal. It can also be met with open hostility.

Before I go into “Let’s Sell a Bed” mode with anybody outside of my store, whether it be a friend, family member, neighbor, networking friend, I will always ask them three questions and in this order. 

“Well let’s talk about your sleep habits. Do you have a consistent bedtime and wake-up time? Do you try to set your circadian rhythm and get outside to get sunlight on your eyes for 15 minutes every morning?” 

Those two questions are fairly easy to answer with, “yeah, I go to bed at the same time every night and I get in my car when I go to work in the morning and sunlight hits my face for a few moments.” The third is the one that creates confrontation nine out of ten times: “Do you drink caffeine in the afternoon or late into the evening?”

I have heard every excuse under the sun as to how and why caffeine has no effect on the person who’s just told me that they sleep like Pillow Pupper poop. One person even told me they try to not drink caffeinated beverages all day, but they do a caffeinated chai tea just before bed because that’s part of their routine and helps them sleep. 

Look, your body might touch that caffeine and know that you’re going to go to sleep soon. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to get the quality of sleep that you need or deserve. Mark Quinn expertly pointed out in that clip that while you may fall asleep just fine, you are not going to get the R.E.M. sleep that awakens your superpowers.

It’s not always how fast you fall asleep but how well your body stays asleep. So the misconception “I’ve got no problem falling asleep fast if I drink caffeine” doesn’t necessarily mean caffeine has no effect on you. Because chemical reactions often still occur even if you think it doesn’t and I would bet, I’d make a huge bet, that if you gave up caffeine for a significant amount of time you might find that you sleep better at night. I bet you would backpedal on that claim that caffeine has no effect on you. 

Your tolerance is ultra-high right now. Give it up for 40 days and drink your favorite caffeine-sugar-laced beverage and watch you lose control for the next two hours. I know because I’ve been there.

I love attempting to debunk many of the caffeine consumers who deny they are affected by it. 

“Caffeine has no effect on me,” they say. Oh really? So then why are you drinking caffeine at 3:00 p.m.? Why are you regularly, habitually drinking energy drinks as part of your diet? You know why people start drinking that stuff? Because they were tired and they wanted a boost. You want to maximize that thing you’re doing every day. You are probably working and under a ton of pressure to perform at a high level. Your boss is breathing down your neck for results.

For a while, you just needed the kick. You go in every day and drink this energy drink and you will have a ton of energy so you can do lots of work!  And then it becomes a habit, a routine, and now you think you gotta have it because it’s delicious and it makes you feel good. Now the excuse is “I like the way it tastes.”

But still, if caffeine has no effect on you, it doesn’t interrupt your sleep or make you fall asleep slower, and as I said has no effect on you, it should be really easy to not drink it, right? 

I mean if something is completely ineffective, then there’s as much benefit to drinking it as to not drinking it.  So you should just be able to stop drinking caffeine right away and move on to something else non-caffeinated to at least test or try to see if you can get more effective sleep. For the record, pointing out the flaw in the caffeine fiend’s logic has never yielded a change of mind right away. You see, the Caffeine Chameleon is really good.

A customer walking through my door is seeking to maximize their sleep that night. They might think a new mattress and new pillows will do the trick. I’m happy to sell you those if you think that that’s the best thing for you.

Superpower Seekers, you know how we get these people on board? We do it ourselves. We have caffeine curfews and we lead by example and at some point in time with your superpowers turned on, at work, you’re not going to need coffee or energy drinks to be highly productive. 

And people are going to ask what you are doing. And you can say, it’s what I’m not doing. I’m not drinking all this caffeine all day long. 

Originally, as you heard in that Dos Marcos clip, I suggested a 2 p.m. caffeine curfew but I learned that my body needs more time than that! I need to stop 12 hours before bed so my caffeine curfew is 9:30 a.m. This is my rule for myself. But I mean to set an example, not set rules for others.

Personally, after I started planning out my sleep and planning my caffeine curfew, I started planning out things I wanted to get done every week. Things I always wanted to do but were huge tasks. I call those my big rocks. I started stacking habits. I plan out my sleep and plan out a task. And I started moving those big rocks around. 

I started spending time doing things that are more gratifying when they’re done but not a lot of fun to actually do. But I knew I had more energy and focus. I turned on superpowers so it was easier than I expected. Looking back at the big rocks, I reflect and think “Shouldn’t it have been harder to move that giant thing? 

No dude we got superpowers yo.

I promise I’m not going to make caffeine episode after caffeine episode after caffeine episode (from Andrew). I do have one more to go because the amount of caffeine you drink varies significantly between drinks. Not all caffeinated beverages are created equal. You can still drink caffeine but perhaps not as much of it and get effective sleep but this takes practice. Nothing happens quickly. There are no overnight results. 

Superpowers and super sleep habits are a process of learning and being consistent so that you can find your foundation of sleep to fight from. 

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